


The Word Escapes Me

by crystaltongues



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Love at First Sight, M/M, Soulmates, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 10:46:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5494373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystaltongues/pseuds/crystaltongues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Classic “This character has issues with the word love” au combined with soulmate au</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Word Escapes Me

He had sometimes laid awake in his bunk, surrounded by the rise and fall of his fellow trooper’s breathing, and wondered what love was. He knew the word, as he knew a great deal of words, but so many of them were never able to slip past his lips. There was never an occasion to use a word such as love, or caring, or compassion, or mercy-unless it was to say that one should not have those things. 

His tongue rolled and his his teeth, but he made no real sound. Love.

These fantasies filled him with guilt. He was the best marksmen they had, and his tactics were second to none. Raised to love the First Order, to die for the First Order. 

But what’s the point of dying for something you don’t love? 

An alarm interrupted him. His first call to battle and only one thing was on his mind.

 

* * *

Though he had caught only glimpses of the prisoner, the four letter word had already bubbled to life in his thoughts. Cool eyes set in a tan face. A well fitted brown jacket. The muscles that rested beneath the clothes. 

Sent to reconditioning, but he knew he had to find that man again. They could escape together, run far away from this. It would be everything he had dreamed about.

Nervousness splashed through his veins. It was enough to make him talk to himself, but the man didn’t seem to really mind.

In the fighter, names came up. FN-2187 had forgotten that civilians have real names, that names matter, that they are somebody. A pang of hurt ran through him. What would a pilot like this, a good man, want with someone who had never known a name?

“Well, I ain’t using it.” Of course he wouldn’t, what man would want to use a designation number? What man could love a trooper like himself...

“Finn.” He didn’t hear what was said before this. The name echoed around the fighter. Finn, Finn, Finn. It was the first thing he had ever really owned.

“Is that okay with you?” No one had ever asked him a question before, not like this. 

For a second his feelings almost overcame common decency.

“Nice to meet you Poe Dameron.”

And there it was again. The word bounced around in his mind, multiplied by the gifts he had just been given. Never had so many emotions surged through him, never had his feelings been allowed to run wild like this.

He was finally a free man, and it was all thanks to the best pilot in the galaxy.

* * *

Sand. Heat. Blood. Multiple injuries. Poe was nowhere to be seen. Probably still at the site of the crash.

The miles between them didn’t matter, the lack of water didn’t matter. 

His hand closed around the jacket, the rough leather hot against his palm. The smell of smoke and death engulfed him.

He met his soulmate and lost him in the same day.

He pressed on. What else was there to do now?

* * *

“It’s the resistance.”

His eyes, trained for battle since birth, watched as the pilots pulled off maneuvers he couldn’t believe. One in particular never seemed to miss his mark. 

A sense of exhilaration, of life, overtook him. 

“That’s one helluva good pilot!” He felt sure that it was Poe, the man he had fallen for so quickly.

Reality brought him back down to earth as a shot whizzed past his head.

That was right. Poe was gone. 

* * *

He was gone, yet here he was. Climbing out of the fighter and his droid was with him. 

Suspended in time for a few moments. Here it was again. That word he was never allowed to use, had never possessed a reason to use it. He was stuck there, battling his anxiety, until Poe noticed him.

Finn followed his instincts and barreled straight into the pilot’s arms.

Their embrace was full of the things he couldn’t verbalize, the word he couldn’t say.

Poe was alive. It was something out of a child’s tale. 

“Keep it, it suits you.”

They both grinned ear to ear.

Maybe Poe was right-maybe love did suit him.

* * *

With the celebrations dying down, Finn finally had a chance to talk seriously with Poe.

“Poe?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“So, this might be weird, but...have you ever been in love?”

Poe turned to sit down next to him. Finn could see memories flash through his head, and he was suddenly aware this was a question he didn’t really want an answer to. The silence hung around them, a blanket thick enough to choke him.

“No, Finn, I don’t think I ever have. I loved my parents. I love BB-8. Boy, do I love to fly. But no, I’ve never been in love.” His voice steady and his eyes calm, Finn knew he was telling the truth.

The heavy silence gone, a soft warmth took it’s place.

“I just...you know, in the First Order, we aren’t allowed to...” The word ran away from him. 

Poe nodded. “Yeah, they don’t seem like they would know what love is.”

Finn could only stare back into his eyes. A wetness welled up in him and he tried to turn away, ashamed of his tears. Poe didn’t allow it and suddenly he found his head resting on Poe’s chest as they laid back on the bunk.

“It’s alright, Finn. I’ll be the first to love you.” His tears spilled over on the pilot’s shirt, sobs sprung up from a dark place in his heart. “Stick with me, and you’ll never be without love again.” 

“I love you, Poe Dameron. It was so nice to meet you.” Every other word accompanied by a sharp intake of breathe and muddled by tears, but Poe understood him. 

It felt crazy, like they had always known each other. The storm trooper and the pilot, like they were meant to be.


End file.
